November 26th

Judas’ Death

               When morning came, all the chief priests and the elders of the people conferred together against Jesus in order to bring about his death. They bound him, led him away, and handed him over to Pilate the governor. When Judas, his betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he repented and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders.  He said, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” But they said, “What is that to us? See to it yourself.” Throwing down the pieces of silver in the temple, he departed; and he went and hanged himself.

Matthew 27:1-5

             Oh…that moment.  That moment when you realize what you have done.  That moment when you realize the mistake that you have made and how you have hurt those around you and how deeply broken you are.  That moment when you feel the guilt and the shame and are bound up by the regret of what you have done.  That moment is deep and it is dark and there are some who never find their way out.

            Judas was one of those. 

            Judas betrayed Jesus and his fellow disciples and when the logical conclusion of his actions played out, he was overcome with remorse.   He returned the blood money and went and hanged himself, never considering that forgiveness and reconciliation may have been an option.  Judas failed and he fell hard and that legacy has endured throughout the centuries.

            I remember one of my parenting failures particularly well.  We were on a trip to visit family in the southwest and we took everyone to a park that had a zoo and rides and adventures.  My son had looked over the flyer and had found an Indiana Jones obstacle course that would be open at that park while we were there.  That was all that he talked about for weeks leading up to our trip.  He was old enough.  He was big enough.  He was so excited.

            We got to the park and we found the Indiana Jones course, zip-line and all.  It looked super fun but we decided to see a few other things first before he launched himself into that experience.  Part of the delay was that I knew that I would have to go in and do the entire thing with him and I was not quite ready to unleash the steady stream of “no” “stop” “come back” and “get down” that was going to occur within that ride.

            We saw the rest of the park and the animals and ate and had a good time and he only ran away a couple of times.  When we got back to Indiana Jones, the ride was closed.  There was a sign that said that they closed two hours early on weekdays.  I read the sign over and over again disbelief.  I was crushed as regret ran over my whole body.  I had cost my son the one thing that he had wanted to do and that I had promised him that we would do.  I looked down at the boy.  He said it was okay and put a smile on his face while tears fell down his cheeks.

            I just wanted to crawl into a hole or yell at the park employees or find some substitute that would make everything ok but there was nothing.  All that I could do was get down on my knees so that we were face to face and apologize to my son and ask him to forgive me.  He was still sad.  I was still sad.  But we were okay.

            We are going to make mistakes.  We are going to make some big and disastrous mistakes.  When they happen, we are going to want to hide as guilt and shame cascade over us.  Don’t give in.  Don’t allow a mistake on your part to lead to a greater tragedy of a broken relationship with your child.  Apologize.  Own your failure and ask for forgiveness and figure out ways to do better next time.  You are more important to your child than your mistakes.  Don’t allow regret to make you forget that.

A moment to reflect:

What mistakes have you made that are getting in the way of your relationship with your child?  Reconcile and move forward if there is any way at all to do so.