November 18th

Haman vs. Mordecai

            The king said, “Who is in the court?” Now Haman had just entered the outer court of the king’s palace to speak to the king about having Mordecai hanged on the gallows that he had prepared for him. So the king’s servants told him, “Haman is there, standing in the court.” The king said, “Let him come in.”  So Haman came in, and the king said to him, “What shall be done for the man whom the king wishes to honor?” Haman said to himself, “Whom would the king wish to honor more than me?”  So Haman said to the king, “For the man whom the king wishes to honor,  let royal robes be brought, which the king has worn, and a horse that the king has ridden, with a royal crown on its head.  Let the robes and the horse be handed over to one of the king’s most noble officials; let him robe the man whom the king wishes to honor, and let him conduct the man on horseback through the open square of the city, proclaiming before him: ‘Thus shall it be done for the man whom the king wishes to honor.’” Then the king said to Haman, “Quickly, take the robes and the horse, as you have said, and do so to the Jew Mordecai who sits at the king’s gate. Leave out nothing that you have mentioned.”  So Haman took the robes and the horse and robed Mordecai and led him riding through the open square of the city, proclaiming, “Thus shall it be done for the man whom the king wishes to honor.”

Esther 6:4-11

            King Ahasuerus could not sleep one night.  So he decided to engage in one of his favorite pastimes: hearing about himself.  He called the Keeper of the Chronicles to enter his chambers and read about his reign as king.  As the records were being read, the king found that Mordecai had been instrumental in thwarting an assassination attempt and had not been rewarded.

            The king called for Haman to discuss how to honor this man.  Haman misunderstood.  Haman was one of the king’s most trusted advisers, just under the king in authority, and reasoned to himself that the king was asking him in order to honor him.  Moreover, Mordecai was Haman’s nemesis.  He was a foreigner who refused to bow to Haman and insulted him at every turn.  Haman had schemed to have all of Mordecai’s people exterminated because he had been so deeply insulted.  So when the king asked his opinion about honoring a special man, Haman suggested a procession with royal robes and fanfare and a herald walking through the city proclaiming how great this man was…and then Haman ended up shouting praises of his enemy.  Haman thought he understood what he was walking into and ended up being so very, very wrong.

            Assumptions.  Assumptions can cause a lot of pain, awkwardness and humiliation for us and for our children.  Assumptions come when we have strong opinions about what should happen next and just believe that everyone else shares our point of view.  Around my house, this happens all the time with the holidays.

            Starting with Halloween, my son has very strong opinions on what is supposed to happen in November and December.  He has a big feelings about when Christmas music should be played, when the tree should be put up, what we should eat for Thanksgiving and when the shopping should be done for it.  He scours Food Network magazines to find new recipes that he wants to prepare for a family feast.  He catalogs holiday crafts that we can do as a family.  He finds when holiday specials will be on, when the Thanksgiving parade will be televised and thinks through what fireworks would be best for a cold, Alaskan New Years celebration.  And he assumes that everyone else is on board with his plans, even though he has not shared a word of them.

            In the past we have tried to keep pace.  We have done three Christmas crafts per day for the entire month of December.  We have spent way too much money on fancy foods for our special dinners.  We have waded through tears as we had to leave the house even though the holiday special was on.  We have had daily conversations about which channel the parade is on…for 15 straight days.  What we have found is that it is helpful for everyone involved to write down what the holiday season will look like.  What are the 10 biggest things that my son wants to do during November and December?  When can we schedule them?  Do we have money to do them all?  Do we need to choose some over others? 

            We are deep in this process at the moment and just had an hour-long planning session about the week of Thanksgiving.  It is incredibly helpful to have everyone on the same page and to know that assumptions have now become plans and expectations.

A moment to reflect:

What does your child have assumptions around?  How can you help them communicate those so that you can all be on the same page?