May 25

The Results of Faith

            But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I by my works will show you my faith. You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder.  Do you want to be shown, you senseless person, that faith apart from works is barren?  Was not our ancestor Abraham justified by works when he offered his son Isaac on the altar?  You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was brought to completion by the works. Thus the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness,” and he was called the friend of God.

James 2:18-23

Our actions are the results of what we believe.  What we believe about ourselves.  What we believe about God.  What we believe about the way that the world works.  Our actions and our reactions are simply those internal beliefs played out on an external level.

Abraham believed that God was good.  He had faith in God and so when he heard his Lord’s voice calling him to sacrifice his son, he obeyed.  If Abraham had not believed that he heard God right or had not believed that God was good, he would not have taken such drastic actions.  Works are the results of our faith.

Our words, on the other hand, are not so connected with our faith.  We can talk about what we believe.  We can explain right and wrong.  We can tell others what we would have done in similar circumstances.  But words are empty.  They are often separated from the reality of who we are and what we believe.  Many times our words are driven out of what we think people want to hear or what we want to be true.  When he was younger, I would ask my son how he was doing after a stressful encounter.  He would smile and say that he was doing just fine while tears were streaming down his face and his voice was cracking.

One of the primary challenges of parenting in the IDD community is that beliefs and actions do not always connect.  Our center had dozens of interactions throughout the day that looked like this:

Provider:  It’s cold outside, isn’t it?

Client:  Yes.  Very cold.

Provider:  You need to wear your coat and hat because it is cold outside.

Client:  OK.

Client walks right past the hung up coat and out the door into thirty below weather in a T-shirt.

Did our clients believe we were lying to them?  Did they think it was really hot outside?  No.  Most of the time they were shocked to realize how cold they were and then their provider took them inside and put their coats on them.

We often have to teach our kids how to apply the knowledge and beliefs that they have.  They may need a checklist of things to work through in order to build the muscle memory of what to do each day.  Routine can be so helpful for them.  They may need a social story or a video to watch that they can imitate.  Following written lists worked better than listening to instructions for my son.

We can get so exasperated as parents when our kids do things over and over again that we have told them not to do.  They know not to do it.  They can recite the rules and the reasons.  And yet they do it again.  It looks to us like rebellion.  It feels like rejection.  Take a step back from the emotions and find your calm.  It may be simply that they have not internalized the way to follow the list and obey.  It may be that we need to break the task down into smaller steps and walk through how to fulfill everything.  Or they may just be testing their limits and yours as well…not out of maliciousness but because that is what growing children do.  They are not evil.  They are not stupid.  They are kids that are trying to grow up and we are trying to shepherd them through without losing our sanity.

A moment to reflect:

Are there actions that your child does over and over again that you have tried to get them to stop?  Write down the steps that your child should take to avoid that action.  Where does the process break down?  What could you do to help solve that?