May 19

Lot’s Wife

             Likewise, just as it was in the days of Lot: they were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building, but on the day that Lot left Sodom, it rained fire and sulfur from heaven and destroyed all of them—it will be like that on the day that the Son of Man is revealed.  On that day, anyone on the housetop who has belongings in the house must not come down to take them away; and likewise anyone in the field must not turn back.  Remember Lot’s wife. Those who try to make their life secure will lose it, but those who lose their life will keep it.

Luke 17:28-33

On the day that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed with fire raining from heaven, Lot and his family were sent to the hills, away from the desolation.  They were told to flee and not look back.  Lot’s wife looked back.  She was turned into a pillar of salt.

Did she look back with a heavy heart, mourning all the good things of Sodom that they were losing?  Did she look back out of vengeance, glad to see death and destruction poured out on those who had made her life miserable?  Scripture does not say.  It implies that she felt connected to the fallen city and its destruction was a great loss to her.  Jesus implies that she turned back because her heart and her life were still tied to Sodom and so she lost it all.

I know several parents who have special needs kids who stand like Lot’s wife and look back at what life was like before they had children, yearning for the good old days.  Back when they did not have to worry about accessibility and therapy schedules and IEPs.  Back when they only were concerned with the feeding and cleaning of themselves.  Back when they slept when they wanted to sleep and ate when and where and what they wanted to eat.  They will look back at their younger years with fondness and think about how much better life used to be and then grit their teeth in order to endure another day of the present.

There is nothing wrong with having good memories of the past, but do not mistake “lack of responsibility” with “better life.”  We are meant to grow up.  We are designed to mature.  Our brains are built in order to take on issues of greater complexity as we get older.  Our hearts are more capable of holding both love and loss as we move through this life.  As we have worked our way through life with our children, we have accumulated many scars.  But we have also developed a ton of new skills and abilities and our character has grown by leaps and bounds.

If I had the ability to swap places with myself from my teenage years, I would be miserable…both of me would be miserable.  The adult me would be bored out of my mind living a teenage life.  The teenage me would be completely and utterly overwhelmed by my adult life.  I have grown immensely over the years, and my family is the primary reason for that.

This is a good life that we have.  Hard?  Yes.  Taxing and challenging?  Definitely.  Overwhelming?  Often.  But it is full of wonder and joy.  It is full of the satisfaction of a hard job well done and challenges conquered.  It is a life that is overflowing with God’s grace and God’s provision.  It is a life that has our children in all their wonderful, disastrous, glorious chaos.  And I would not trade it for anything.

Do not fall into the trap of regret that ensnared Lot’s wife.  Do not look back at what was or what could have been and miss out on the glorious adventures of what is.

A moment to reflect:

What do you miss about your life before you had kids?  What do you have now that is better than that?