May 13

The Fall:  Hiding

            Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves. They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.”  He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate.”  Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent tricked me, and I ate.”

Genesis 3:7-13

One of the immediate consequences of sin, both back in the Garden and here today, is hiding.  Adam and Eve realized they were naked and crafted clothes to hide their flaws from each other.  They realized that there would be an accounting for their actions so they hid from God when He came walking through Eden.  When He found them and they confessed their disobedience, they hid behind excuses and justifications.  Adam ate the fruit, but it was his wife’s fault.  Eve ate the fruit but it was the serpent’s fault.  There is no repentance, only fear and fear leads to hiding behind false appearances and false words.

We live in a society based on hiding.  Our online presence allows us to show only what we want others to see about us.  We dress in a way that communicates to others what we want them to know.  We are involved in activities and groups that allow us to foster community with boundaries and we are incredibly careful about who we let in to know the real us.  Because the real us is broken and vulnerable and fragile and we fear allowing people to get too close because they could hurt us.  At the core of bullies are usually frightened little children hiding behind anger and aggression.  At the core of intense, highly driven professionals are usually frightened little children hiding behind busyness and trying to earn love and acceptance.  At the core of alcoholics are usually frightened little children hiding from pain in their past by diving into the bottle.

Do you know who cannot hide?  Our kids.  If one of them is wheeled into a room, everyone know the reality of their situation.  If one of our children with Downs Syndrome enters the room, everyone sees the truth.  Our kids cannot pretend to walk; they cannot pretend to see; they cannot pretend that the music is not bothering them as they run out of the room.  Our kids are 100% real as they are trying to navigate through a world that is obsessed with hiding and pretending.  I have found that this is both refreshing for the world and terrifying for the world all at the same time.

People are inspired by our children and the bravery that they show in facing their challenges and overcoming them.  And they are incredibly uncomfortable because being around the truth of our kids makes them think about the internal things that they are hiding from and whether they are brave enough to face those wounds.  If you are watching, you can see inspiration and discomfort roll across their faces as people have this process just by being around your child.  It is fascinating and a little discouraging because often people will decide that there are easier places to hide and so they will leave and avoid you and your child in the future.

How do we help our kids as they are exposed in a world of hiding?  That is the big question.  First off, we make sure that our homes are places where our kids can be honest.  The world is full of spaces that they need to feel certain ways or act certain ways or say things in specific ways…home should be a place where they can just be the fullness of who they are.  If they are feeling quiet, grant them quiet.  If they are feeling loud, give space to be loud.  If they need to laugh or cry or run, make sure that they can do whatever will help them find their balance.  They’ve been holding their breath all day; they need to breathe easy for a while.

Second, affirm the real them, not the mask that society demands of them.  Our kids have great qualities that are drastically undervalued by our world.  Let them know, regularly and repeatedly, how great they are.

Third, find places that are natural fits.  That could be boating, cooking, dancing, sewing or any number of other things that involve our kids’ skills, passions, and abilities.  If we can find topics and activities that our kids are passionate about, we will likely find some settings where they can be real with other people who love the same things.

A moment to reflect:

What activity could your child participate in that connects to the real them?