9/16/21

 Moses’ Choice

            The Lord said to Moses, “I have seen this people, how stiff-necked they are.  Now let me alone, so that my wrath may burn hot against them and I may consume them; and of you I will make a great nation.”  But Moses implored the Lord his God, and said, “O Lord, why does your wrath burn hot against your people, whom you brought out of the land of Egypt with great power and with a mighty hand?  Why should the Egyptians say, ‘It was with evil intent that he brought them out to kill them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth’? Turn from your fierce wrath; change your mind and do not bring disaster on your people.  Remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, your servants, how you swore to them by your own self, saying to them, ‘I will multiply your descendants like the stars of heaven, and all this land that I have promised I will give to your descendants, and they shall inherit it forever.’”  And the Lord changed his mind about the disaster that he planned to bring on his people.

Exodus 32:9-14

            The Golden Calf did not just annoy God.  It did not just get Him angry.  It was white-hot rage that was intent on destroying the entire nation of Israel while they were still wandering in the wilderness.  He turns to Moses, brimstone in His hands, and tells His faithful servant that He will destroy the rebels and then make a new nation out of Moses’ descendants.  He gives Moses the same deal that He offered to Abraham.  The chosen people of God could have been the Mosesites.

            Moses is given an incredible choice.  God is willing to get rid of all the sinful, rebellious and difficult people in his life.  He is ready to establish Moses as the head of the nation.  No more leading difficult people who rebel at every turn.  No more crying at night about what other people chose.  No more doubting himself as a leader when people make horrible decisions.  Instead Moses could start a new family, a new nation, and start it right this time.  They could learn from the mistakes of Abraham’s family and set a course that would stand the test of time.  It would be so easy.  All it would take is a single word and it would be done.

            What would you do?  What would you do if God offered you a choice to start from scratch?  What if God offered you a life where you did not have a special needs child to take care of?  Would you have to think it over?  Would you hesitate?  Would you know automatically what your answer would be?

            I’ve played all the scenarios out in my head dozens of times.  I’m a planner; it is part of what we do.  I have yet to come up with a better life than the one that I am living right now. I know that my life and my career are not what I imagined they would be.  I know that there could be avenues where I make more money and get more sleep and have a better resume.  I know that my family is a mess…but they are my mess and a substantial part of my heart would be lost if they were not a part of my life.

            I think that is where Moses was as well.  The people were a mess and determined to make his life excruciating…but they were his mess and he could not imagine life being better for anyone without them.  God heard his heart and saw his love and He stood down.  The Israelites never even knew how close they came to being wiped out.

            It is easy to look at my peers and be jealous.  Their kids can go to school for full days and go on school trips and sleep by themselves in new places.  My peers can have friends and their kids can have friends and they can be excited about their child becoming an adult and moving into a life of their own.  I don’t get those luxuries and I start to feel sadness and jealousy creep into my heart.

            And then I remember that if God ever gave me a choice, I would choose this life with my son every time.  Every. Single. Time.  He’s my mess and we were made for this and the world is a better place because we have been placed together.

            If you are not in that place right now, that’s okay.  I’m not there every day myself.  But if you find yourself filled with sadness and envy, find someone to talk to.  That is a hard pit to dig yourself out of.  God is good and He gave this child specifically to you.  Feel free to ask Him what He was thinking and how you are going to make it through.  He’s not one to shrink away from tough questions.

            You are not alone.  Your child is not a mistake.  God is with you through every step of the journey.

A moment to reflect:

Why do you think Moses did not take God up on His offer?