9/12/21

 David and Saul

              And the women sang to one another as they made merry, “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands.”

             Saul was very angry, for this saying displeased him. He said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands; what more can he have but the kingdom?”  So Saul eyed David from that day on. The next day an evil spirit from God rushed upon Saul, and he raved within his house, while David was playing the lyre, as he did day by day. Saul had his spear in his hand; and Saul threw the spear, for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David eluded him twice.

1 Samuel 18:7-11

           

            Saul has everything.  He is a war hero, rich, honored and the king of the people of God.  There is nowhere further for him to climb.  And yet, it is not enough.  There are a handful of women to come up with a song, praising someone else’s miraculous accomplishments and Saul cannot stand it.  He does not merely hold a grudge against the other man; he feels the threat of David so deeply that he tries to pin him to the wall twice with his spear.  What do you call jealousy when you already have everything?

            Insecurity.  Saul is insecure because he fears that everything could come crashing down at any moment.  And so he latches on to imagined slights and he imagines the worst scenarios happening and his fear of losing everything drives him to insane actions.

            Insecurity.  I know that voice.  I know the whisper that says everything is teetering on the edge of the cliff.  We could lose everything and the world would know me as a fraud and a failure.  It urges me to work a little harder…push the kids a little harder…cut out rest and pick up another project…let relationships lie dormant so that I can be more efficient.  Insecurity tells me over and over again that any kind of success or stability that we have is because of my efforts and my efforts alone.  If we let up for a single moment, all financial progress will be lost.  All therapy progress will be lost.  All career progress will be lost and we will be left with nothing.

            Insecurity lies.  What those whispers fail to recognize is that God has a hand in my life.  He called us onto this path.  He gifted us with a boy on the autism spectrum.  He gifted us with two amazing daughters.  He gifted us with a community of faith and jobs that allow us to live a rich life.  God is watching out for us and leading us in the direction that we are to go. 

            There are scenarios where we become rich and famous, not because of my amazing skills and work ethic, but because that is a season that God would have for us.  There are scenarios where we lose everything and have to start over again…again not because of my effort, but because that is a season that God would have for us.  I can tell you which one of those I would initially prefer, but if God is leading us down a path…it does not matter what the details are because it is going to be filled with life and joy.

            Saul fought hard against the direction that God was going.  The more that he fought, the more miserable he became until he lashed out at those who were trying to love him.  Let us hear God’s call and follow it so that we can pass peace and joy to our loved ones instead. 

           

A moment to reflect:

What is God calling you and your family into?