April 25

Love the Stranger

            For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who is not partial and takes no bribe, who executes justice for the orphan and the widow, and who loves the strangers, providing them food and clothing.  You shall also love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt. You shall fear the Lord your God; him alone you shall worship; to him you shall hold fast, and by his name you shall swear.  He is your praise; he is your God, who has done for you these great and awesome things that your own eyes have seen. Your ancestors went down to Egypt seventy persons; and now the Lord your God has made you as numerous as the stars in heaven.

Deuteronomy 10:17-22

            I am not eager to meet new people; I never have been.  Maybe it has to do with being an introvert.  Maybe it is deep-seated insecurity.  Maybe it is my Gen-X cynicism.  Whatever the case, I barely speak with people that I know when I see them at the grocery store, much less interacting with new people.

            Strangers in the Old Testament were an entire other level of different.  People did not just leave their communities to travel and see the world.  They spoke different languages, had different customs and beliefs.  Resources were scarce enough that another mouth to feed could be the difference between starving or not.  Strangers were often run out of town, if not attacked and brutalized.  Being outside of your home community meant that there was no protection, no identification, no value of a person, their name or their history.

            In this passage, God is speaking to the Israelites as they are going through the wilderness towards their new home.  He is laying out for them what their new nation is to be like.  They are not to see strangers as prey, but to welcome them in as guests.  They are to replace suspicion with hospitality and replace fear with generosity.  They were called to remember that their history was entirely based off of being strangers in a strange land that depended upon the grace of God and the generosity of others.  Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph and the entire nation were strangers that God blessed, so they too should greet and welcome and provide for the foreigners who visited their homes.

            The IDD community are familiar with being strangers.  School-age kids are often on the outskirts of the activity, either watching quietly or preoccupied in their own little world.  IDD Adults have figured out how to go through their life without much external interaction.  They have routines and songs and a focus of what they need to accomplish.  They enjoy interacting with peers, but have learned how to get by without.  Loneliness is often preferable to the drama and ridicule that comes from having socially awkward interactions.

            Our kids are amazing.  They are funny and smart and kind and interesting…but they are challenging to get to know.  Our kids need practice and they need bridges.  One of the best things that we can do is to find ways for our children to practice social interactions.  Reading social stories and talking through how people respond in different situations can help.  Role-playing social scenarios can help.  Writing a script and putting on a play can help.  There are a ton of great ideas out there that can develop your child’s social muscle memory so that the real world is not as intimidating.

            But they can’t just practice at home and then be released into the world and expect to find social success.  One of the ways that we can help them break in to the crazy world of peer interactions is by building bridges.  Setting up lunches and play dates with other kids.  Organizing social activities like a glee club or rock club or running club based around their interests and passions.  I became the youth group leader at my church specifically so that my son would have another place to grow socially.  Sometimes our kids use the connections that we have created for them…often they don’t and our hard work feels wasted.

            It is not a waste.  It is a process.  Maybe we need a new approach or a new setting or some more practice, but that is all part of discovering what works best for our kids…who they have been created to be and how they function the best.  One of the primary ways that we love the stranger is by helping bring our children together with peers who could one day become friends and community.  We equip our kids with skills and opportunities and pray that God sends someone who resonates with the unique quirkiness that they possess.

A moment to reflect:

How can you practice social situations with your child? What are some bridges that you could build that would help them find community?