October 31st

The Prodigal Brother

             “Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing.  He called one of the slaves and asked what was going on.  He replied, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has got him back safe and sound.’  Then he became angry and refused to go in. His father came out and began to plead with him.  But he answered his father, ‘Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends.  But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!’  Then the father said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.  But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.’”

Luke 15:25-32

            This is my favorite part of the Prodigal Son story and, probably not coincidentally, it is the part that is covered the least from Bible Studies and Sermons.  We have looked at the hedonism and humility of the Younger Son.  We have looked at the lavish and excessive grace and love of the Father.  Then we come to the Older Brother.

            I am the oldest child in my family.  I understand the tendency to be a dutiful child.  I understand the bitterness that the Older Brother holds towards his younger sibling as I look and see how much easier my brothers had it.  I know the relentless drive of perfectionism and accomplishment-based self-approval.  I am familiar with the knowledge that I will never be good enough but I have to keep striving anyway because that is what my family needs.

            The Prodigal Brother has fallen into Bitterness and Duty.  His work for his father is all-consuming and he has no place in his heart for those who would choose a different path.  He is resentful of his brother and angry at his father and frustrated with the grind of his daily life and he lashes out at his father in this passage.

            The story ends before we hear the Brother’s response to the Father’s invitation to celebrate.  Jesus ends the story by having them staring at each other in the field.  I believe that is so that the listeners can decide how they will choose.  Church people, religious people, tend to be the older brother in the story.  We have not abandoned our father for the pleasures of this world.  We are committed to doing God’s work and willing to sacrifice a lot in order to earn His attention and approval.  Then we come across someone who is not a believer and God is calling them to Himself and we refuse to come alongside them until they transform their lives to be reflections of us.  We have become bound to Bitterness and Duty.  Jesus invites us to celebrate the sinner coming home, not try to punish them for their wasteful life.  Step into the Father’s heart of love for his children and allow Bitterness and Duty to fall by the wayside.

            Our kids who are typical will often take on the mantle of the eldest child, even if our special needs kids were born first.  The other children in the family quickly learn that there are different rules that apply to their sibling.  They have to mature quickly and take on more responsibilities around the house as mom and dad try to cope.  They will slip into the role of mentor and parent with their brother or sister, telling them how to act, how they should respond or that they just need to calm down.

            It is also super easy for them to fall into Bitterness and Duty.  They will give of themselves because the job needs to be done.  They will not complain, but the sense that their life is unfair and their childhood has been stolen can grow.  You can find that they are mad at you, made at themselves, mad at their teachers and just generally made at the world.

            The things that speak against Bitterness and Duty are Love and Relationship.  Let your typicals know how much you value them, not just the work that they do.  How funny you find them.  How smart you find them.  How interesting and engaging you find them.  Our IDD kids require a lot of work, but so do our typical children.  Don’t assume that they know how you feel.  The Brother saw himself as a slave while the Father assumed that he knew that everything they owned was available to the young man.

            Speak Love.  Speak Relationship.  Speak Grace to your typical children.  They may shrug it off, but that is not an invitation to stop…it is a way to see if we really mean it or not.  Invest in them; they are on this IDD journey just as much as we are.

           

A moment to reflect:

How can you love your typical kids today?