August 2nd

Doubting Thomas

             But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came.  So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”  A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.”  Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.”  Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!”  Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

John 20:24-29

             

            There is a great fantasy book by Robin Hobb called The Assassin’s Apprentice where every member of the Royal Family is named after a personality trait that they embody.  There are Chivalry and Patience and Shrewd and many, many others.  I enjoyed reading the book years ago as I watched the characters’ actions dictated by their names but also I found that my understanding of those traits grew as I saw the choices that were made.

            Thomas already had a nickname.  He was called the Twin by everyone who knew him well.  He probably had a twin brother and that was incredibly rare.  He may even have been off visiting his twin when the disciples first met with Jesus.  When Thomas returned, they told him of the miraculous encounter…and then Thomas earned himself a new nickname that would stick with him through thousands of years.

            Doubting Thomas.  Everyone knows that name.  It is the name of a man who refused to believe the testimony of his friends and peers.  It is the name of a man who chose to be skeptical instead of faithful.  It is the name of a man who had mixed feelings about Jesus’ resurrection and appearance.  Jesus could have appeared to the disciples at any time.  He chose to visit them during the short period of time that Thomas was away.  Why would Jesus do that?  Why would He choose to perform a miracle and announce His return while one of His dearest friends was absent?

            Watch Thomas as his actions are dictated by Doubt, but also learn more about Doubt through his story.  Doubt is not just love of facts or science.  Doubt is not questioning and searching for truth.  Doubt is grasping for control by manipulating the burden of proof.  Thomas refused to believe.  He refused.  He would not believe unless his specific conditions were met.  Faith says that God sets the conditions and we follow Him.  Fear says that we must be in control to be able to follow.

            Maybe Thomas was afraid that Jesus no longer wanted him after Thomas fled with all the other disciples.  Maybe he was afraid that the Jews had moved the body in order to trap Jesus’ followers.  Maybe he and his brother disagreed about who Jesus was and their bond was now strained.  Maybe he was simply jealous of the other disciples getting to experience a miracle while he was excluded.  Whatever it was, Thomas heard the testimony of the others, looked at the evidence and refused to hope or believe with his head or his heart.

            There are often some very specific conditions that we cling to as proof about how God feels about us.  They often involve our health, our finances and the well-being of our children.  If everything is going well, we say we are blessed and believe that we have found favor with God.  For those of us with special needs kids, it is rare when everything is going well.  There are health scares and too many bills to pay and a bad interaction that started simply but escalated into a thing.  There is the physical and emotional and mental strain in each and every day that leaves us both exhausted and also doubting God’s love for us.  I have missed lots of amazing prayer times and worship times and strategy sessions and fellowship with my peers because my family needed me.  And I find myself standing in Thomas’ shoes, wondering why God showed up when I was not around and doubting my value and His feelings towards me.

            We have a choice.  Faith or Fear.  Belief or Doubt.  Does God love you?  What are the conditions that you use to decide?  Scripture is very clear that He does, but that may not be enough for you right now.  You may feel that there are specific things that He needs to do and say to prove that Scripture is true. 

            Release control of the burden of proof.  Allow the final words of this passage to sink in, “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”  That is you and that is me.  Blessed.  Blessed are we that did not see Jesus in the flesh, yet have chosen to believe.  Blessed.  Beloved.  Treasured by God.  That is you.

  

A moment to reflect:

Do you have conditions that God has to meet to show that He loves you?