August 19th

Joseph’s Dreams

            Once Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more. He said to them, “Listen to this dream that I dreamed. There we were, binding sheaves in the field. Suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright; then your sheaves gathered around it, and bowed down to my sheaf.” 

            His brothers said to him, “Are you indeed to reign over us? Are you indeed to have dominion over us?”  So they hated him even more because of his dreams and his words. 

            He had another dream, and told it to his brothers, saying, “Look, I have had another dream: the sun, the moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” 

            But when he told it to his father and to his brothers, his father rebuked him, and said to him, “What kind of dream is this that you have had? Shall we indeed come, I and your mother and your brothers, and bow to the ground before you?” So his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind.

Genesis 37: 5-11

            There are times as a parent when you simply shake your head at what is coming out of your child’s mouth and laugh at how wonderfully unique they are.  Then there are times when you dash across the room, racing to intercept their words before they say something that turns a normal day into a traumatic day.  Like when you intercept a two page love letter that your fourth grade son is planning on giving to one of his classmates…for example.  Delivery of that note would have been bad.  Maybe not a “Your-brothers-are-jealous-and-sell-you-into-slavery-in-order-to-get-you-to-stop-talking-about-your-dreams” kind of bad.  But it definitely would have been a “The-girl-is-traumatized-the-other-girls-are-defensive-and-the-boys-of-the-class-are-jealous-and-hostille-leading-to-a-negative-classroom-environment-and-another-round-of-parent-teacher-conversations-and-interventions” kind of bad.

            There was nothing evil about the note.  There was nothing derogatory or demeaning about the note.  It was simply a little boy being open and genuine and loving.  He felt it so why shouldn’t he say it?  Joseph had a strange dream the night before…why shouldn’t he share the crazy details with his family?

            Implication and Inference.  What I say and what I mean are implications.  What you hear and what you understand are inferences.  What I say is often not the same as what you hear.  You hear my words and they run through the filters of your mind and heart and experiences so that you can decide what kind of hidden agenda I am trying to push through my statements and then you respond accordingly.  Joseph’s brothers heard his dreams and assumed that he was looking to climb over than them and become their ruler.

            Would Joseph have thought that would be cool?  Probably.  But he was the youngest of 11 brothers who were farmers and shepherds.  He was not looking to usurp anything from anyone.  He had no other agendas.

            Our kids are quick to give their love and trust to people.  They are quick to say what they think and say what they feel and say what they see and while I honor and respect their vulnerability, it is often misplaced.  Ten year old girls are not in a place to handle a tender expression of affection well.  Teenagers in general are not adept at dealing with real emotions that do not come with sarcasm or memes.

            And so sometimes I have to run interference for my son at school or at youth group or in public and I find myself doing this terrible little dance where I encourage him to reach out and make friends but to be careful of what he says but to continue to be tenderhearted but to not emotionally expose himself to peers who are not ready for that level of real but to have fun but to not turn a casual group into something that is more traumatic and scarring because of implications and inferences.

            It is exhausting for me…and I can only imagine that it is even more exhausting for him.  Relationships are hard, even under the most ideal circumstances.  Here is my sustaining hope:  Joseph.  God used those poorly-chosen words and broken relationships.  He was with Joseph through the loneliness and isolation.  The acts that were directed towards Joseph for evil, God took and transformed into blessing and an opportunity to save and serve those he loved. 

            May that same God take the poorly-chosen words and broken relationships of my son and transform them into something equally beautiful and life-giving.

A moment to reflect:

How do you deal with your child’s socially-inappropriate words and behaviors?