December 1st

In Search of a Translator

                 One day Elisha was passing through Shunem, where a wealthy woman lived, who urged him to have a meal. So whenever he passed that way, he would stop there for a meal. She said to her husband, “Look, I am sure that this man who regularly passes our way is a holy man of God.  Let us make a small roof chamber with walls, and put there for him a bed, a table, a chair, and a lamp, so that he can stay there whenever he comes to us.” One day when he came there, he went up to the chamber and lay down there. He said to his servant Gehazi, “Call the Shunammite woman.” When he had called her, she stood before him.  He said to him, “Say to her, Since you have taken all this trouble for us, what may be done for you? Would you have a word spoken on your behalf to the king or to the commander of the army?” She answered, “I live among my own people.”  He said, “What then may be done for her?” Gehazi answered, “Well, she has no son, and her husband is old.”  He said, “Call her.” When he had called her, she stood at the door.  He said, “At this season, in due time, you shall embrace a son.” She replied, “No, my lord, O man of God; do not deceive your servant.” The woman conceived and bore a son at that season, in due time, as Elisha had declared to her.

2 Kings 4:8-17

             Do you know what I need in my life?  I need a Gehazi…a translator who will help me talk to my son.  The Shunammite woman knew that Elisha was a holy man and had a room built for him to stay in whenever he was in town.  Elisha wanted to repay her for her kindness but was unable to figure out what would be helpful for her.  Gehazi was able to discern that she wanted a son above all else but had given up hope of that ever happening.  Elisha spoke the word and the miracle was granted.

            I have gone on a number of trips with my son.  I have shared a number of meals with just the two of us.  I have driven him across town over and over again.  There have been days where the only words that we spoke have been to each other.

            There is a lot of silence during those times.

            He is excellent at describing the food he is eating.  He has an incredible memory and can recount what we did, said or saw during the day.  He is more than happy to share trivia and facts about what we are seeing or who has starred in what movie or sung a certain song.  But when it comes to questions like “what was your favorite,” or “What did you think” or “what do you want to do next,” he has very limited things to say.  And he has no interest in me or my perspective.  And if I ask too many questions or offer too many choices or keep the conversation going for too many minutes, he gets incredibly stressed as the burden of my relational expectations weighs heavy upon his shoulders.

            So we sit in silence as we eat.  He will describe his food.  I will try describing mine.  I will give him assignments like “tell an anecdote from today” or “ask me a question about myself.”  When he puts his mind to it, he can share and be funny and ask good questions, but it is work for him.

            At first it was incredibly disheartening.  I felt so sad that my son had no interest in me.  It felt like rejection as he ran away from the dinner table to his books.  I take it less personally as he gets older. But I am still concerned.  What kind of life can he find where he avoids human interaction?  Who could he possibly share his life with? Who will understand that his discomfort is with the art of conversation, not with them?

            And I am not sure what to do next.  Do I just give him social interaction homework every day until it is built into him that he has to do certain things when he is with someone else?  We did that a few years ago at nighttime.  He is required to say goodnight to his mother and give her a hug.  That is what he does every night now, but it is more out of routine than relationship and it has not translated into any of his other relationships.

            I need a translator.  I need someone who can speak to what is in his heart and his mind.  I need someone who can tell me all the things that I am not hearing.  So far, that role is mine and I feel so unqualified for it.

A moment to reflect:

What do you wish that you knew about your child?