July 15

Saul’s Rash Oath

          Then Saul and all the people who were with him assembled, and they went to the battle; and indeed every man’s sword was against his neighbor, and there was very great confusion.  Moreover the Hebrews who were with the Philistines before that time, who went up with them into the camp from the surrounding country, they also joined the Israelites who were with Saul and Jonathan.  Likewise all the men of Israel who had hidden in the mountains of Ephraim, when they heard that the Philistines fled, they also followed hard after them in the battle.  So the Lord saved Israel that day, and the battle shifted to Beth Aven.  And the men of Israel were distressed that day, for Saul had placed the people under oath, saying, “Cursed is the man who eats any food until evening, before I have taken vengeance on my enemies.”  So none of the people tasted food.

1 Samuel 14:20-24

            Jonathan’s surprise attack on the Philistines began a rout.  Confusion reigned in the camp as the Philistines fought each other.  The Hebrew camp saw the chaos and pressed the attack.  Jews that had been working for the enemy joined their countrymen.  Jews who had been hiding in the hills found their courage and took up arms against the invaders.  The country was unifying and poised to drive the Philistines out of Israel all together.

            King Saul saw the momentum and was caught up in the zeal of pending victory.  In trying to be a good leader, he made the battle personal.  His people were fighting his enemies and the potential for a decisive, history-changing victory was on his doorstep.  Saul declared that anyone who stopped attacking to have some food before the last enemy was defeated would be cursed by God.  As the king of God’s children, his words carried impact…even if they were not well thought out.

            The rout would not be competed in an hour or three hours or even a day.  The fighters needed something to give them energy after the initial adrenaline wore off.  To follow their king would mean going past the point of exhaustion and not being as effective.  The one soldier who did not hear the decree was Jonathan.  He ate some honey when he was tired and renewed his strength.  When he heard of his father’s words, he just shook his head.  What a bad idea.

            The attack stalled and the Israelites attempted to discern why God’s favor had left them.  They discovered that it was because Jonathan had been cursed by King Saul and should be killed.  The people would not see it done as Jonathan had led and inspired the assault.  The battle had been won.  The enemy had not been completely defeated and would return someday, but not today.  Everyone called it a day and went home, the lost potential of what they could have accomplished mingling with the satisfaction of winning and leaving mixed feelings where there should have been pure joy.

            Sometimes we make our children’s struggles personal.  Sometimes we feel that our competence and integrity and skill and value are being called into question and we feel the need to prove our worth to whoever is watching.  The stereotypical obnoxious sports parent who is yelling at the refs and taunting the other team and constantly riding their kids about doing better?  Their child’s sports have become about their value and their worth.  Pushing our kids to get better grades in school can be a combination of wanting the best for them and from them…and us not wanting to be seen as failures in parenting. 

            Sometimes our parenting inadvertently makes our child’s walk harder.  Like Saul we get caught up in the moment and the success and then we use our kids to gain approval or respect from others.  I wrestle with this all the time with this blog.  If people read these entries and then happen to encounter my son, have I put him at an additional disadvantage because people know our story?  Am I taking away some of his opportunity to forge his own path because people will look at him as “James’s autistic son?”

            The words that we use…the stories that we tell…the attention that we draw to ourselves as special needs parents…will that benefit our kids or just make us feel better?  Sometimes…most times we are incredibly conscious about making sure that what we do and what we say will build up our loved ones.  But there can be times where we follow in the footsteps of Saul, cursing our children because we did not think everything through.

           

A moment to reflect:

The next time you are going to talk about your family life, think through whether it would help or harm your child.