July 14

Jonathan

                Jonathan said to the young man who carried his armor, “Come, let us go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised; it may be that the Lord will act for us; for nothing can hinder the Lord from saving by many or by few.”  His armor-bearer said to him, “Do all that your mind inclines to. I am with you; as your mind is, so is mine.”  Then Jonathan said, “Now we will cross over to those men and will show ourselves to them.  If they say to us, ‘Wait until we come to you,’ then we will stand still in our place, and we will not go up to them.  But if they say, ‘Come up to us,’ then we will go up; for the Lord has given them into our hand. That will be the sign for us.”  So both of them showed themselves to the garrison of the Philistines; and the Philistines said, “Look, Hebrews are coming out of the holes where they have hidden themselves.”  The men of the garrison hailed Jonathan and his armor-bearer, saying, “Come up to us, and we will show you something.” Jonathan said to his armor-bearer, “Come up after me; for the Lord has given them into the hand of Israel.”  Then Jonathan climbed up on his hands and feet, with his armor-bearer following after him. The Philistines fell before Jonathan, and his armor-bearer, coming after him, killed them.  In that first slaughter Jonathan and his armor-bearer killed about twenty men within an area about half a furrow long in an acre of land.  There was a panic in the camp, in the field, and among all the people; the garrison and even the raiders trembled; the earth quaked; and it became a very great panic.

1 Samuel 14:6-15

           

            Jonathan was Israel’s First Son.  Saul was to first man to ever hold the throne and the hope was that his firstborn son was the beginning of a long line of great kings who would rule the nation generation after generation.  As the Israelites were at war with the Philistines, Jonathan decided to take his armor-bearer and go on a raiding party by themselves.  Maybe he heard the call of God.  Maybe he felt that his father was moving too slow.  Maybe he was bored.  Maybe he felt the pressure to prove that he was worthy to lead his people.  Maybe he was just young and stupid.

            Whatever the reason, he and his armor-bearer left camp and climbed up the jagged cliffs in order to approach the Philistine garrison undetected.  Jonathan then revealed his incredible plan.  If the enemy told them to approach, that meant that God had assured the victory and they would attack, no matter how outnumbered they were.  That was exactly what happened and the two of them defeated twenty men, launched the Philistine camp into a panic and began a battle that turned into a decisive victory for the Israelites.

            Why do our kids do what they do?  Why do they decide that the flower garden is the best place to dig their tiger trap?  Why do they decide to climb a tree only after you have had a conversation that these trees are probably not great for climbing?  Why do they decide to try putting the fire out themselves because they did not want to wake you from your nap?

            Just like Jonathan, we don’t really know.  We have a lot of maybes floating around in our head.  Even if we sit down with them, it is not easy to figure out their “Why,” in large part because they have not figured out their “Why” and, even if they have, they are not very good at articulating it.  Often times it seems like I will ask if ____________ was their motive, they will like the sound of that and, since they have nothing better to offer, they will say “yes.”  Then I will ask if it was something completely different and they will say “yes” to that as well.  We will both leave those conversations more puzzled than before.

            Here’s the thing.  Most everyone that we meet operates from a set of mixed motivations.  Our kids are no different.  My son may read to his little sister because he loves her and because he knows mom and dad will praise him and because he is bored and because he wants her to stop bugging him and because it will get him out of a chore that I asked him to do and because he enjoys performance and because his sister will snuggle up to him.  All at the same time.  There are selfish motivations in there.  There are compassionate motivations in there.  There are manipulative motivations in there.  There are sacrificial and loving motivations in there.  As parents we want to encourage the loving motivations and discourage the selfish ones…even though the actions may look the same.

            When your child does something that baffles you, remember that there is a lot going on inside that little head of theirs.  Don’t just unload all your anger and frustration at them.  Find the different “whys” if you can.  Encourage the motivations that were positive.  Discourage those that were negative.  This is a big growth curve that they are on.

A moment to reflect:

Think of the last crazy thing your child did.  What kind of motivations, both good and bad, do you think played into it?