February 28

Transfigured

                Six days later, Jesus took with him Peter and James and John, and led them up a high mountain apart, by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no one on earth could bleach them.  And there appeared to them Elijah with Moses, who were talking with Jesus. Then Peter said to Jesus, “Rabbi, it is good for us to be here; let us make three dwellings, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” He did not know what to say, for they were terrified. Then a cloud overshadowed them, and from the cloud there came a voice, “This is my Son, the Beloved; listen to him!”  Suddenly when they looked around, they saw no one with them any more, but only Jesus.

Mark 9:2-7

            I have shushed my son a lot over the course of his life.  We mostly have it down to a science now where I can touch a shoulder or give a look or do a light snap to get his attention and just put a finger to my lips to let him know that he should work on being a little quieter.  It is not a highly emotional exchange that requires debriefing.

            I can not imagine what it is like to be shushed by God the Father.  Peter…wonderful, brash, speak-before-you-think Peter is with James, John and Jesus on a mountain top.  Suddenly they are in the midst of a Holy Moment.  Elijah appears.  Moses appears.  Jesus is wearing “dazzling white” clothing.  The three disciples fall down in reverence, knowing that they are caught up in something substantially bigger than themselves.  Peter has no idea what to say, but decides to talk anyway.  He proposes building some small structures so that the three legendary figures could be comfortable and could receive visitors.  Then the skies darken and God speaks from the heavens telling Peter to stop talking and listen to Jesus.

            Sometimes we speak when it is more appropriate to stay quiet.  That happens with us out in society.  That happens with us and God.  That happens with us and our kids.  Figuring out when to speak and when to listen is one of the most challenging social lessons that we go through in our lives.  Trying to explain to someone when to answer a question or when to laugh or when to nod your head in agreement or when to stay silent is hard and the only time that I notice when someone is following these social conventions is when they are doing it wrong.

            Which brings me back to my son.  One of the interesting things about autism is that social cues that most people just absorb often will need to be learned by people on the spectrum.  What is the appropriate volume for laughter?  What is the appropriate volume for whispering or saying “Amen” in church?  When is it the right time to put a supportive hand on someone’s shoulder?  There are thousands of subtle social cues and rules that we all follow each day and when someone violates them, we get a little annoyed.  When someone violates them again, we give them a dirty look, letting them know through another subtle, social cue that they are out of line.  When they keep violating them, we get angry and erupt at the person to leave or shut up.

            Our kids who are violating the social rules have no idea anything odd is going on until they are on the receiving end of an eruption.  As a parent, I am often on the lookout for who is getting close to an eruption with my son.  Where are the dirty looks coming from?  Who is getting angry at his singing too loud or his laughing at the wrong time?  Would it work best to talk with them directly or just go back to shushing the boy?  Usually it is shushing, but sometimes I have enough relationship to be able to talk to the offended party.

            And then there are times when I just don’t care if people are offended.  Yep, that joke was too loud and delivered poorly.  Yep, he just loudly yawned in the middle of silent reflective prayer.  Yep, he is asking the pastor if he can have a refill on communion juice because he’s thirsty.  Just because someone is socially challenged does not mean that they have to forfeit their right to be listened to.  Our kids have ideas and opinions and words from God that they try to share.  We need to be willing to listen and help others listen as well.  Our default cannot be simply telling them to stay quiet.  We need to learn how to hear what they are saying and we need to teach our community how to listen as well.  Listening will require patience and decoding skills and a belief that they have something meaningful to contribute.  If we are too busy shushing them, we will miss the Holy Moments.         

A moment to reflect:

When do you feel the strongest need to hush your child?  Why is it important for them to be quiet at that moment?