February 23

Turning the Hearts of Parents and Children

            Lo, I will send you the prophet Elijah before the great and terrible day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of parents to their children and the hearts of children to their parents, so that I will not come and strike the land with a curse.

Malachi 4:5-6

            Malachi is the final book of the Old Testament; God’s final words to the Israelites before he goes silent for centuries.  He promises that he will send Elijah back to them when the last days are approaching.  That was why the nation was so excited when John the Baptist showed up wearing Elijah’s traditional camel hair clothing and living out in the wilderness.

            Isaiah’s prophecy of John’s role states that he will prepare the way for the coming Messiah, making His paths straight.  This prophecy has a more directed purpose: “He will turn the hearts of parents to their children and the hearts of children to their parents.”

            First and foremost, we start here:  We love our children.  We love love love love love them.  They mean the world to us and it is hard to remember life before we were parents.  This is totally and completely true…AND there are times when parents resent their children.  Sometimes those are brief flashes and we immediately feel guilty afterwards.  Sometimes those are long seasons where every time parents and children try to talk the end result is yelling, tears and a more deeply broken relationship.

            My wife and daughter were travelling, leaving my 6 year old son and I home alone.  We struggled through the night as he would not sleep when his mother was away.  We struggled through the day as he reacted strongly to his routine being disrupted.  I set up his bath and had him get in.  He loved baths, he loved the water and this was going to give me a few minutes to gather myself to prepare for the rest of the night.  After 10 minutes I went to check on the boy.  He had found the newspaper that was in the bathroom, torn it into strips and added the paper shards to his bath, creating a tub full of mush and making him look like a piñata. 

            I was so mad.  So mad.  Wild thoughts and accusations raced through my head.  I used to have a life.  I used to have peers and friends.  I was just trying to give him something that he would enjoy and it turned into this incredible mess that I’m going to have to clean up.  I knew I was sleep deprived.  I knew I was being irrational.  I called up some students of mine who graciously came over to my house.  They watched my son for an hour while I cooled off and regrouped.  That was the maddest that my son has ever made me.

            A parent’s heart drifts away from their child when their role as a father or mother gets in the way of being loved and valued.  They used to have a social life; now it is only them and their child.  They used to be respected and valued at work; now they show up sleep-deprived and unable to engage in conversation or take on the extra shifts and they are being surpassed by other employees.  They used to have quiet times where they heard from God; now every time they sit still and close their eyes, they fall asleep.

            Everyone needs to feel valued.  If your only community is a child, all that you hear is need, not value.  Kids are great at expressing that they love you but they are terrible at telling you what a great job you are doing.  They are focused on the here and now…and the here and now involves telling mom or dad what they want.  It is not hard to start seeing your child as a black-hole that sucks up all the attention and all the love and all the energy that you have and then asks for more.  It is easy for fatigue to turn into bitterness and then to start dreaming about how life would be better for you if it was like your friends’ lives who don’t have kids.  Every tear begins to make you cringe.  Every, “Hey mom!” begins to make your eye twitch.  Every cry in the night can produce an angry string of curses.

            Into that swamp of anger and fear and loneliness, Scripture speaks.  The word of God comes to turn the hearts of parents back to their children.  God sees you and says that you are remarkable.  You are valuable.  You are loved.  This season will pass.  This stage will pass.  God sees you and has equipped you for this time.  Community can look different than it did before you had kids.  Success can look different than it did before you had kids.  Quiet times can look different than it did before you had kids.  He is so proud of who you are and who you have become and He is delighted to be with you.

            Life will not be better once we are free of our children.  Life will be better once we are free to hear our value from God.

A moment to reflect:

When do you feel bitter with your children?  How could you hear God’s affirmation during those times?