September 14th

Do not make room for the Devil

              So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another.  Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.

Ephesians 4:25-27

            My parents had a very specific philosophy on how to avoid making room for the devil: keep yourself and your children so busy that they have neither the time nor the energy to get into to any trouble.  We had chores and activities and church functions and volunteer opportunities.  My summers were filled with swim practice for two hours to start the day, followed by four hours of work at the lumber yard, followed by another two hours of practice in the early evening, followed by chores at home and then collapsing into bed.  I learned some valuable lessons in those days.  I internalized some incredibly bad theology during those times as well.  But mostly I was too busy and too tired for any kind of teenage rebellion.

            “Do not make room for the devil.”  Some translations say, “Do not give the devil a foothold.”  The enemy does not overwhelm us with direct assaults and displays of power.  Satan does not show us miracles or threaten to overwhelm us and demand our allegiance.  No.  Instead the enemy latches on like a parasite and slowly makes our hearts and our minds his by whispering lies to us.  We hear whispers all the time that speculate on other people’s motivations or that tell us of our failures and worthlessness.

            The real estate in my heart that has long been vulnerable to the lies of the enemy centers around being a failure and being isolated.  Every social situation that I walk into involves whispers that I do not belong and these are not my people.  On my good days I recognize that Satan has a foothold and I reject the whispers.  On my bad days I just feel sad and lonely and long for someone to accept me.  I have those whispers.  You have whispers of your own that you are fighting.  Everyone that we encounter has private, internal battles that are being waged for their hearts and minds.  We are all broken and trying to stumble through this life…and we are called to try and do that together.

            “Be angry, but do not sin.”  When I am around broken, messy people, I get angry.  I get angry because they treat me poorly or they treat my son poorly or they make bad choices that have repercussions that make my life harder.  I barely have any emotional reserves at my disposal and sometimes compassion and empathy are the last emotions that surface.  I get angry, and Paul said that this is an okay emotion to feel.  However, when I am angry, I am presented with a choice and that choice is not easy.  I can focus that anger against those who are bugging me, lashing out or insulting them or demeaning them or rejecting them and calling into question the very value of who they are.  That is sin and Paul tells us not to do that.

            Option two:  I could internalize the anger.  I could compact it down into my soul until it erupts.  While it festers in my heart it will turn into bitterness and hatred and I will look at the world with fear and loathing while regarding myself with disgust.  Also sin.  Also something that we should not do.

            Option three: I manage to not blow up at the people who have angered me, but I bring a stormcloud home with me and I radiate anger around my family.  My son starts walking on eggshells and gets super anxious because it is obvious to everyone except for me that I am angry and no one knows if the venom will be directed at them if they do something wrong.  Once again, sin.  Once again, don’t do that.

            Being angry is fine, but there has to be a way of dealing with that emotion that does not tear down everything that we have worked so hard to build.  Special needs kids are amplifiers of emotions.  Whatever you bring through that front door is going to be magnified by your son or daughter so we need to figure out how to release anger.  Here are different exercises that have helped me before:

·         Listen to Christmas music or classical music or movie soundtracks or whatever music relaxes you as you come home.

·         Make a list of all the things that made you angry today.  Leave the list in the car.  You will be able to find it again tomorrow, but It can be a helpful gesture to leave those burdens outside of your house.

·         Pray in the parking lot. 

·         Forgive…quickly.  Someone really annoyed you at work today?  Forgive them quickly so that they do not make the rest of your day or night or week or year miserable.  Their power over you can be finished as soon as you want it to be.

·         Go for a walk before you come in the house.  You can bring a kid with you or go by yourself, just take a little time to re-orient your mind and your spirit before engaging with your family and the challenges that they present.

These are just a few things, I am sure you can come up with more.  Be angry.  That is just fine.  But do not sin.

A moment to reflect:

How can you deal with your anger before you interact with your family?