June 17th

Hosea: A Father’s Heart

             When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. The more I called them, the more they went from me; they kept sacrificing to the Baals, and offering incense to idols.

            Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk, I took them up in my arms; but they did not know that I healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with bands of love. I was to them like those who lift infants to their cheeks. I bent down to them and fed them.

                They shall return to the land of Egypt, and Assyria shall be their king, because they have refused to return to me. The sword rages in their cities, it consumes their oracle-priests, and devours because of their schemes. My people are bent on turning away from me. To the Most High they call, but he does not raise them up at all.  

            How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, O Israel? How can I make you like Admah? How can I treat you like Zeboiim?
            My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender. I will not execute my fierce anger; I will not again destroy Ephraim; for I am God and no mortal, the Holy One in your midst, and I will not come in wrath.

Hosea 11:1-9

    

            The first 10 chapters of Hosea are God building a case for the wickedness of Israel.  He described their idolatry and the evil that has corrupted their hearts and minds.  He has his prophet marry an active prostitute to display to the people how they are rejecting their God for other lovers.  He warns about impending doom and violence coming from both internal and external sources as a result of their faithlessness.

            And then we come to chapter 11 and we see the heart of God the Father.  The Father looks at his rebellious child and remembers when they were small.  He remembers the first steps.  He remembers the late nights and the crying and holding them cheek to cheek to comfort them.  His heart swells with love and compassion as He considers what to do with His beloved.  How could He ever abandon those that He loves so deeply?  How could He bear losing His children?  God’s compassion stands in the face of His fierce anger and He chooses to not lash out; He chooses to let go of His wrath so as not to hurt those that He cares so deeply about.

            There are times where we are mad.  Just mad.  Mad at our kids.  Mad at our lives.  Mad at God and everyone around us.  Sometimes it is justified.  Sometimes we are just reacting to the latest in a long line of things and people that have tried our patience and we find ourselves grinding our teeth and glaring or lashing out in some way.

            Being mad is ok.  God gets mad.  The reality of what we are feeling should not be ignored or stuffed deep down.  Trying to bury our emotions just leads to them exploding through the surface at unexpected times.  However when we are with our kids, we need to be wise we how we get mad.  At the day services center, we would work with our providers about dealing with emotions, especially anger, when they were with our clients.  If they were to lash out at their client by yelling or hitting or throwing things or storming out of the room, they would be fired.  Those kinds of outbursts would traumatize a client and turn our safe space into a place of anxiety and escalated behaviors. 

            The providers had previously been told to just not let it bother them, but there are only so many times that you can be ignored, spit on, hit or have food thrown at you before you cannot ignore those feelings anymore. We worked with the providers about how to deal with their emotions in ways that would not be destructive to the people that they were trying to serve.  There were a few simple things that we talked through that really helped:

·         Understanding.  This was especially true for providers who were just getting to know their clients.  What did the actions and words of clients really mean?  Were the clients giving non-verbal cues that we just did not recognize?  Had they been communicating that the food hurt their stomach for 10 minutes before they finally became frustrated and threw it at you?  The first step to dealing with our anger was to understand more about the client and where their behaviors were coming from.

·         Take a break.  This one only works if there are others around that you can count on.  On those extremely frustrating days, take a few minutes to regain your composure and have someone else be with the client for a few minutes.  Talk a short walk, read a book, have a snack, close your eyes and breathe.  Sometimes just a few minutes away will grant new perspective and stamina.

·         Journal.  Sometimes there is no one who could give you a break.  Consider carrying a journal with you and writing in there when you get a chance.  It could be while the client is watching a movie or eating dinner or engaged in special Olympics.  Write down what is bothering you and it is amazing how the pressure lifts.

·         Let go at the end of each day.  Often providers were not mad because of the events of the day.  They were mad because of the events of the week or month.  They entered each shift dreading what was coming their way because they had been carrying the hard experiences of previous shifts.  Go to bed each night and know that tomorrow is a new day with new potential.

These were helpful for me as a supervisor to talk through with my staff.  They were also helpful as a parent to work through with my son. 

            We will get mad.  It will happen…often.  We just need to have some strategies in place so that our anger does not damage our relationships with our kids.

A moment to reflect:

How do you deal with being mad at home?