February 1st

Signs and Wonders

                 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go to Pharaoh; for I have hardened his heart and the heart of his officials, in order that I may show these signs of mine among them, and that you may tell your children and grandchildren how I have made fools of the Egyptians and what signs I have done among them—so that you may know that I am the Lord.”

Exodus 10:1-2

            God’s power, or more specifically God’s use of His power, has always perplexed me.  The Israelites were slaves in Egypt.  They were released because of the plagues that God inflicted upon the Egyptians, but the process was slower than it needed to be.  There were 10 plagues when I am sure that God could have simply produced a single curse that had the desired effect.  There are also numerous references to God hardening Pharaoh’s heart to keep the Israelites enslaved longer.  This offends all of my efficiency-based sensibilities.  Why would God inflict more suffering and take more time to accomplish a goal that He was going to fulfill anyway?

            The simple answer is that God was not just winning the Israelites’ freedom, He was also winning their hearts.  He was showing His power to His people so that they would know that they did not escape by luck or by their own abilities; they were freed by a God who is powerful and deeply committed to their good.  God had already claimed the Israelites as His people, now it was time for them to claim Him as their God.  The time was right.  God’s timing was right…God’s timing.

            Here’s my issue with God’s timing:  it is not mine.  God was no less powerful 100 years earlier.  He did not love the Israelites any less 100 years earlier.  They were not suffering any less 100 years earlier, yet God waited an additional century to bring them freedom.  I look at my son and wonder about God’s power and His timing.  Every night I pray that my son will be healed.  Every day that I worked at the IDD day services center, I would pray that God would bring healing to the minds and bodies of our clients.  I’ve seen tremendous growth in my boy, but he still clearly has autism.  I know that God dearly loves him and is deeply committed to his good.  I know that God has the power to heal and restore in an instant, and yet here we are, 15 years of praying without the miracle that I am looking for.

            And so I wrestle with questions…so many questions.  The healthier versions of my questions sound like this:

·                                       *Does God have a different timing in mind for my son’s healing?

·                                       *Is he being healed slowly so that day to day I cannot see a difference, but over the years the change is drastic?

·                                        *Does God have a calling and a purpose for my boy that necessitates this condition?

The unhealthier versions sound like this:

·                                        *Is this punishment for ways that I’ve disappointed God?

·                                        *What is wrong with me or my prayers that God ignores us?

·                                        *God clearly does not care so why should I?

            When I reflect on these questions, they all tie back to the cause…the “Why” of disability.  My heart and mind continue to search for control over this situation and try to figure out how to fix it.  I yearn for my son’s healing and I know the Great Healer and yet…

            The problem with serving an All-powerful and All-Knowing God is that when our heart’s desires are not met, we question whether something is wrong with our God or ourselves.  We know that He hears us.  We know that it is within His power to heal.  And so I find myself doing this dance between learning to be content with my circumstances and holding out hope for my dreams of healing. 

            I think True Faith is this:  bringing our heart’s desires to our Lord and trusting that He will give us the best in return, even if it does not look like our hopes.

A moment to reflect:

What are your heart’s desires?  Take a couple of minutes to write them down as a way of offering them to God and see what He says in return.