January 6

Incomplete

              And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east; and there he put the man whom he had formed.  Out of the ground the Lord God made to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food, the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil…Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” So out of the ground the Lord God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper as his partner.

                                                                                Genesis 2:8-9, 18-20

Way, way back near the beginning of our story, God crafted humanity and gave the first man a place to live, a source of food, a purpose and other creatures to interact with.  But something was still missing.  The Garden of Eden provided him with food and shelter.  God had given him the task of tending the garden and, as anyone who has cultivated a garden before knows, that was no small job.  He had relationship with his Creator and he interacted with the other animals.  His life was still incomplete.  He needed someone else with whom to share his life…a peer…a partner…a life-mate who would support him and challenge him.  Someone who was enough like Adam that they could relate but unique enough that they would both grow and mature through their interactions.  He needed someone that he could serve and who could serve him.  Even though Adam was in a pure relationship with God, he was incomplete outside of community.

This is the area that I have the greatest worries for my son.  I can help ensure a place to live, the skills that he needs to feed and take care of himself, even get him set up with work that is meaningful and brings in good money.  But friendships?  Relationships?  We have not cracked that code yet.  He has had a lot of aides in his school years and received a lot of instruction at how to not disturb his peers.  There has been a lot of social skill training on how to not be a distraction in public.  Almost everything that he has been taught in the school district can be, and has been, internalized as: “Suppress who you are because it bothers people.”  He yearns to belong to a pack but his training and his quirkiness and his peers’ levels of maturity all conspire to encourage him to seek out the solace of isolation.  And yet, “It is not good that man should be alone.”

So we try to fill the void as parents.  We initiate activities and conversations as well as we can.  (Teenage. Autistic. Boy.  There is no part of that label that makes conversations easy).  We homeschool and look for ways to enter his world.  We look for potential connections and networks.  We say no to relationships in our own lives in the hope of finding some for our son.  We become insulated and isolated because of the needs of our children.

Then one day I look up and realize that the only adult who knows me is my wife…and almost all of our conversations revolve around our children.  I have no hobbies and have long ago forsaken exercise.  What I am modeling for my son is the very isolation I am hoping to help him out of.  Because it is not good for man to be alone…even for a good cause.

A moment to reflect:

Is there someone that you could meet for coffee in order to just talk? There will be some tricky logistics to navigate, guaranteed.  But it may address a thirst that you did not even know you possessed.

Refrigerator Art of the Day

D age 15