11/28/21

 

John Beheaded

                For Herod himself had sent men who arrested John, bound him, and put him in prison on account of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife, because Herod had married her.  For John had been telling Herod, “It is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife.”  And Herodias had a grudge against him, and wanted to kill him. But she could not, for Herod feared John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man, and he protected him. When he heard him, he was greatly perplexed; and yet he liked to listen to him. But an opportunity came when Herod on his birthday gave a banquet for his courtiers and officers and for the leaders of Galilee. When his daughter Herodias came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his guests; and the king said to the girl, “Ask me for whatever you wish, and I will give it.”  And he solemnly swore to her, “Whatever you ask me, I will give you, even half of my kingdom.”  She went out and said to her mother, “What should I ask for?” She replied, “The head of John the baptizer.”

Mark 6:17-24

             This was how Jesus lost his friend, his cousin, his champion, John the Baptist.  Herod did not want to kill the prophet, but he made a foolish promise to his daughter and he was honor-bound to fulfill it, no matter the cost.

            Herod is by no means the hero of this story, but I can relate with him in one aspect: I will quickly and easily turn my back on what I would prefer to do so that my children can be happy and well taken care of.  Are we going through a season where we have dietary issues?  I have made five separate dinners for five separate dietary restrictions before.  Are we going through a season where we have three kids in three different schools plus two jobs and a single car to go around?  I have reconfigured my work schedule around needing to drive across town multiple times per day.  Are we going through a season where our sleep schedule is off?  There have been weeks where I did not see my wife and son because their sleep schedules were 12 hours off and they were waking up as I went to sleep while they tried to correct it.

            Every time that we put our family first, there is a cost.  Every time we choose family over friends or family over work or family over church, we grow a little bit more connected with our family and a little bit less connected with the other entities.  Eventually friends fall away.  Eventually church stops asking for your involvement.  Eventually work finds someone else who can give them what they need.

            When the boy was very young and I was still working as a college pastor, my Regional Director invited me to be a part of a team that met regularly out of state and was intended to bring the next generation of Regional Leadership together for training, vision, and opportunities to lead.  It would be fun and build community and be intellectually and spiritually stimulating and it would propel me into leadership in this organization that I was planning on spending the next several decades in.

            I said no.  I could not see how more trips out of state would feel like anything other than abandonment to my wife and we were barely holding on at that moment anyway.  I could not say yes to a career advancement, even in the ministry, that would endanger my marriage and my family.  So I said no.  As I was talking through my decision with a local pastor he warned me that organizations have a window of opportunity with their members.  Once that window closed, everyone would just move on from each other.  As it turns out, he was right.  As my peers became my leaders, I became more disconnected from the rest of the Region and when I had raised up my replacements, I was asked to move on.

            There is a cost to choosing your family over other things.  There is also a cost to choosing other things over your family.  The question that we all get to answer is which cost we would rather pay.  I do not regret my decisions to say no.  Do I wish I had more friends or a better career or more money in the bank?  Definitely.  Would I trade a healthy marriage and three amazing kids for those?  Not a chance.

A moment to reflect:

What costs have you paid to choose to invest in your family?  How has Jesus met you in the midst of those?