8/30/21

 The Hidden Cost of Forgiveness

               And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.  And do not bring us to the time of trial, but rescue us from the evil one. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:12-15

             

            Forgiveness is not free even though it does not cost money.  It is not something that can be bought with enough prayers or good deeds or donations to the local church.  Jesus places a condition on God’s forgiveness in the Lord’s Prayer.  We ask that God will forgive us to the same level that we forgive others.  The cost of forgiveness is not money or deeds or time.  The cost of forgiveness is grudges.

            We cannot ask God to forgive us of the wrongs that we have done and the ways that we have hurt Him and His children if we are not willing to extend that very same forgiveness to those who have hurt us and our children.  We cannot hold a grudge and hatred in our hearts and expect that God will make us clean of guilt.  Allow that to sink in.  The amount that we are willing to forgive others is the amount that God will forgive us.  We set the standard that God will apply to us.  Do we hate another person with an unbridled rage and swear that we will never, ever forget nor forgive the wrong that they have done to us?  God will meet us on that level.  Do we forgive…but never forget?  God will meet us on that level.  Do we release all of the ways that we have been betrayed and abandoned, crushed and broken, bruised and battered by people in this lifetime?  God will meet us there as well.

            Let’s talk about one specific relationship for a moment.  Are you holding a grudge against God for your child’s condition?  He could have stopped it.  He could have prevented it.  He could have bent the rules of space and time and reality in order to give you a 100% healthy child.  But He didn’t.

            I know that you are a good Christian and believe that God is good and has a plan and should not be doubted.  I get that.  But then, who are you mad at?  The doctors?  The parents?  Genetics?  Fate?  A Fallen World?  The driver of the other car?  Chance?  The Church?  God is bigger than all those things and has done miracles that required much more with much less.  Who are you mad at?

            I have alternated being mad and sad for the past 15 years.  Every new age and new stage brings new things that make me want to cry or hit something.  The kids in 3^rd grade manipulating him into getting in trouble with the school?  Crying for an hour each night as we tried to finish grade school math homework?  Spending Alaskan Summers indoors because we are afraid of bugs?  Not being able to have friends…ever?  Spending my nights on vacation sleeping on the floor next to him because the transition is overwhelming?  Going into his senior year knowing that the only people who will cheer for him when he graduates will be his immediate family?  I hate it, I hate it, I hate it all.  I want to yell and scream and hit things over how much more this beloved boy deserves from this life.  Who do I blame?  Who do I hold accountable?  It has to be God, right?  That is where the buck stops.  No one else could have prevented this.

            Grudges are death.  Grudges are anchoring your hopes for the future to the pain of the past.  Grudges deny the goodness of God by saying that what will define us are wounds that we have collected over the years.  Life is about growth and transformation and transition from one season to the next; grudges lock us into one state and never allow us to grow past that.  Grudges stop us from receiving God’s forgiveness and becoming a creature that is new and free and able to experience a new life.

            Here are my two words to any of you who carry a grudge against another person or specifically against God:  Be Free.  You can call that forgiveness.  You can call that releasing a grudge.  You can call that letting go of assumptions and disappointments.  The “Why did this happen” is a less important question than “What do we do next” or even “Who do we serve.”  God could have prevented this.  True.  Instead of being angry with Him, lean in closer and discover what His hopes and dreams and plans are for your child.  It may very well be that what He has in store for your child is bigger and better than being popular in school, sleeping well through the night and having lots of people cheer for him at his graduation.

            Although…I still want those things.

           

A moment to reflect:

What grudge do you carry?  Can you release them?