Introduction

            God has always been intertwined with my son’s autism.  We received an official note from a doctor in the fall of 2005, but his diagnosis really came four months earlier in a tiny fishing village on the North Slope of Alaska.

            My wife and I had travelled to the community of Nuiqsut to help our dear friend, Pastor Heather, lead a Vacation Bible School for the children of the village.  We had our three year old son and our 6 month old daughter for ten days of laughter, songs, skits and prayer. 

            Our son had always been challenging, but being delirious, sleep-deprived, first-time parents we had thought to ourselves, “Maybe this is just the type of child that we produce.”  We were both independent and introverted.  He was as well.  He might not have matched the developmental markers of the “What to expect” books, but there was no denying his incredible intelligence or the sweetness of his heart or his unending reservoir of energy.

            One night towards the end of our trip, Pastor Heather came out to talk with us.  She said, “God has something for me to share with you, but I really don’t want to.”  She handed us a magazine that had a cover article about autism and said, “This is for you.  This is about him.”  I was shocked.  The article was a generic piece, but my son fit so many of the generalities: hyper-active, delayed and repetitious speech, banging his head on walls, lack of eye contact.  I experienced for the first time the conflicting feelings that I would carry with me for years.  It was both, “Ahhh.  It has a name!  We can define it and work to move through it,” and also, “I cannot speak without tears…I am so beyond devastated as I feel my hopes and dreams for my son crumbling.”  Hope and despair all mingled and mixed together, held securely in God’s hands.

            Our journey with the Family of God has not been easy, often resulting in misunderstanding and isolation as we struggle with the church to discover how to come together to worship our God when we have members who are so different.  I have sat in church and watched the nursery lights flickering on and off and I knew whose hand was on the switch.  I have sat in church and watched my son try to grab the bow of the guest violinist from his position in the children’s choir as she was playing during the Christmas program.  I have seen the church respond to him with love and have seen the church effectively say that we were not welcome.  Through it all, God has been clear that His love and His delight are as much for my son as for any of God’s other children.  The boy has been uniquely made and given to us to love and raise.

            This devotional is for those of us who have loved ones who the world labels as “Special Needs.”  Will reading these entries prevent you from feeling overwhelmed or alone?  Will they definitively answer the thousands of questions rattling around in your brain at night as you try to sleep?  Will they eliminate all anxiety, anger and fear?  My guess is probably not.  My hope is that they can serve as an anchor, connecting you to the One who can do all of those things.

            Ultimately, this devotional is intended to communicate two truths over and over and over again:

·         You are not alone.

·         Our children are not mistakes.

If your heart just skipped a beat or a tear just formed in your eye, this devotional is definitely for you.  Take a few minutes to read, to listen, to laugh, to cry…to receive.  We have been entrusted with the most precious of treasures.  They deserve the best version of us that we can give to them.